All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
