Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
