You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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