I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
