Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I just sharted jello shots
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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