i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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