The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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