Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
