i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
