As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
