Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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