the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
