i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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