Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
