I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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