i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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