And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
