you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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