I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
