The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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