hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
