I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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