Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize