you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
