Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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