And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
