just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
