Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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