my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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