well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
