Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
