Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
