Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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