One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
