Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
