nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
