Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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