i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
