he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bring me that man meat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
