I will die if light touches me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
