Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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