walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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