Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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