I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
