i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All the doctor said was why
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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