mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
