Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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