since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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