WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
