just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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