i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
