Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
