Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
