Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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