is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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