i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
