He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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