Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She needs sedatives and a leash
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
