Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
