at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
