now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
