is your mom at the bar?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
