there's paper in my vomit.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
