At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
