I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
