He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
