If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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