What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm passing your future prison.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
