he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
