Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize