So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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