I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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