did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
