i permit you to call me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The adults are the big ones right?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
