I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
