Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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