She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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