drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
