I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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