i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
