Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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