if i can run in heels then i can drive
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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