Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
