Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
