They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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