every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
